Time Together

I've never been one who is afraid of change. Maybe that's because I haven't experienced a lot of it in my life and the "change" I have experienced has always been good, even if it was hard at first. With school in full force, my heart strings have been squeezing tight. I've been emotional everyday since school started. And it's been surprising to me. I hadn't realized just how much I really do love having my children home with me. Sure the fighting, the whining, the mess is very nice to be without for a few hours each day, the quiet is very very very hard to get used to. We are getting into a routine, which I love and crave. I'm organizing "time together" with each child. With Hannah in school everyday and Nate every Mon., Wed., and Fri. I now have time with just Abby. Oh, she is sweet and adorable. I wish I could bottle her cute little voice. Yesterday I asked her if she wanted to go to the store with me; just mommy and Abigail. Wowzer! she was excited. We walked around and she held my hand. She LOVED the attention and I loved spending that time with just her. In one store, there was a woman who apparently was observing us and she told me what a good job I was doing raising her. I almost cried. I want to do a good job. I want to give each one of my kids this kind of undivided attention because I know they need it and because I really do love being alone with them.

By the end of our shopping, Abby was asking for Hannah and Nathan though and could sense the loss of not having them around to play with or to be teased by. I was so happy that she missed them because quite frankly, I missed them too.

Today I get to have Nathan home with me and I wanted to have some one on one time with him as well. I put Abby down for a nap, which will be my routine so I can be with just Nate on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons. Nate is my movie boy. Once Abby went down he asked for a movie. That is not exactly the kind of one on one I was hoping for, so I told him that I had some very special books that were just for him and mommy to do together. They are preschool books and at first he was impressed and even a little excited to work on something together. Poor little guy though is easily frustrated. As he was tracing circles or the alphabet he would just lose it if he would go out of the line at all. I could tell this was not going to be the 'positive' activity I was looking for. We continued on a little bit longer and then I told him he could pick out a movie. Our preschool books will not just go by the wayside. It will be a good opportunity for me to help Nate channel his frustrations a little at a time.

Spending time with just Hannah is going to require more of an effort now. She is changing so much. After her second day of school she told me that there is a girl in her class who isn't very nice to her. Made my heart break. However, this is a good teaching moment so we talked about it and I asked her what she thought she could do. It kind of sickens me though, I have to be honest. I just want to protect her from everything and yet, I know she has to experience life in order to really grow. I just pray that we are teaching our kids to choose the right, to be kind, to grow into strong, and happy adults.

I'm really going to like this one on one time. I'm really going to like the time I will have to clean a little more deeply. I'm really going to like having a little time for me. But not as much as I like having them all home. Especially when they are home and playing together, and loving eachother.

I am silently laughing behind the camera.

And this is how I always want my Hannah to stay. Darling with pigtails.