Sweet Holland, I can't stop looking at you. I've been in tears all morning, as well as late into the night thinking of you and how much you light up this world! There is a mother who's baby girl died over the weekend. I do not know her, but my heart is broken for her. She had a beautiful little girl, just like you! There's no doubt that her life will never be the same. There is a darkness now, where there was once great light! I don't know how she will move on in life. I don't know that I could and yet, one must. Seems so unfair. You and your siblings bring me the most joy that life has to offer. I love your fat legs, your toothless smile, your big bright blue eyes You squeal with delight when I kiss you over and over and over again. There is no doubt, that I am your favorite person in all the world, and you are undoubtedly one of mine.
So I can't help but to be extra grateful that you're mine. That I can hold you and love on you anytime I please. I didn't even mind waking up with you last night multiple times to nurse you. At one point you even opened your eyes at me in the wee hours of the morning and gave me a smile. You were safe, happy, and completely content right where you were. And so was I. But there is a mother out there who isn't feeling this way today. Her life has been shattered. I don't know her faith, if she believes in God or a heaven after this life. I was sitting in Sunday School yesterday at church and something someone said has been bothering me. She said, "God will never give us anything we can't handle in this life." I don't know if I believe that. Did God take her daughter because she can handle it? I don't think so. How could anyone "handle" it. She is broken in every sense of the word. There is only
ONE thing that can piece her back together now. The atonement. No person, no medicine, no doctor, no friend or neighbor or family member will ever be able to heal her. This is why the Savior atoned for us. He knew we would experience pain and grief and sin greater than we would be able to handle, so he atoned for us. I am grieving for this mother and the hole in her life. I do believe in eternal families. I do believe that she will see her baby girl again someday. But someday can be so far away. I do believe that she can find peace in this life again. I truly hope she will. So I will cherish you and be more grateful to have you with me every single day.
