I'm listening to songs that touch my heart. They are about children and growing up. Today I spent the afternoon with Abigail at the doctor office. She was positively adorable! She was sucking up all the attention given her by the doctor and nurse. Her little mind was going mock 90 and I sat there in awe at her little self. I adore her in every way. We walked out of the office hand in hand, tears running down her face since she had a shot in her leg, but the sucker made it all better. Her bouncy little self brings comfort to my heart. Whenever I'm about to have another baby I always have these doubts that I could possibly love another child as much as the ones I have. Yet, I know there is room in there for more to love. I don't know how it's possible, but it is.

I don't deny that motherhood has been the hardest responsibility of any I've ever faced. I feel the weight on my shoulders each day. I pour myself into books or "clubs" that might give me an edge on figuring this out. Then I'm humbled by one of them and reminded that the answers to child rearing aren't in books or special groups (although I learn a great deal and am grateful to have those resources), but it's when I fall to my knees and beg God to help me to know my children as He knows them. Today Nathan just wanted to be with me when he was having a hard moment. I held him and then we walked hand in hand looking at flowers and gardens. Just the simplicity of that time with him will be cherished.

Hannah is about as sweet a person as they come. She is sensitive and needs constant reassurance, whether it's by words or actions, that we love her. Tonight she came inside after playing with friends and just said, "daddy, I love you", something she says often, but for some reason it resonated with me more tonight than previously. I guess it was the simple sincerity of the words. I know she meant it. And I know she believes us when we say it to her too. There is comfort in those words that fills her to the brim.

My little ones are growing up. Maybe that's why these songs I'm listening to are so sweet and so sad at the same time. I look at Hannah and she's growing, changing, and learning so quickly. I depend on her so much that sometimes I wonder if I haven't forced some of the growing a little too quickly.

Nathan has been telling me for about a week now that he's 5, which makes him so much bigger. There is no arguing with him either on this point. Ironically, because I just agree with him that he's 5 already, he has been able to gain that confidence to do things that were just.too.hard for him to do by himself when he was 4. I keep wondering if he'll be happy or mad when we actually celebrate his birthday next month.

And if I could freeze Abigail I would. She is sunshine in a bottle. I thank Heavenly Father often that He sent her to our home. I need her and He knew that I would.

So, in the words of the song, "Hourglass", "when you reach for the stars, don't forget who you are. Please don't turn around and grow up way too fast.... oh life's an hourglass. Life's an hourglass."

*Happy birthday to my wonderful mother today. So grateful to call her mom.