Friendships

I have forgotten how to relate to other people. Such a weird thing for me to even write. We have lived in our neighborhood/ward for almost 5 years, and I still feel a disconnect from most of the women here. There are a few that I can talk to with ease, but really the rest it seems totally unnatural at all to talk to them. I haven't been able to figure out why. There are so many lovely women here. So many I really look up to and admire, and for the most part, we are all the same. Same ages, same stages of life, but for the life of me, we just don't connect. I go to activities and say hello, and we small talk, and then I sit back and watch and realize, I just don't fit in.

I am weird. I'm the mom who is going to home school her kids this fall. And really, I don't think anyone thinks that's all that weird. At least not for me (except for one neighbor who felt it her duty to let me know that she totally disagrees). I'm the mom who doesn't have a lot of "junk" food in her house. I'm the mom, who does not get dolled up very often...like only one day a week; Sundays. I'm the mom who doesn't have television in her home, or video games, or doesn't allow her children to watch more than one movie a day, and that's if they are lucky. I'm the mom who doesn't have her children in every extracurricular activity and I swear, I'm the only mom who hasn't taken her kids to Disneyland...ever!

And although I used to have a much larger circle of friends. And I used to be more fun and hip, I do not know how to be that person anymore. Myself has changed. A lot. I cherish my close friends. I cherish those who knew me then and know me now. And I might only be able to count them on one hand, but they are dear.